I remember researching graduate schools when I was trying to decide which path in life I wanted to take, and written across the website of the one I ended up attending were the words “Change Agent”. Yes, I thought. This is what I want to be. Sign me up. I’m all in. Thus, I embarked upon my crusade to change the world. Yes, well, if only it were that simple.
I am a social worker and trauma psychotherapist. At the root of both is a passion for helping people and a desire to bring about change to this world. Through my own recovery work, I have learned to accept the limits of what I, as an individual, can do with respect to helping others. For me, this means acknowledging I cannot help everyone. I cannot change the world in a global sense, nor is it healthy for me to even try. As such, I’ve spent the last 15 years narrowing down my focus to what I can do; what those in private practice refer to as a niche. I've gradually gotten closer and closer to the exact population of folks whose common characteristics and challenges I feel most skilled at treating. As I sit here today, the niche I’ve come to define for myself is centered on female teens, young women, and moms.
Prior to my work with young women, however, there was my first niche, and it was kids. Little kids. Girls and boys impacted by the traumas spewed at them by this world. For 10 plus years, I worked with kids and families in the inner city of Cleveland where I provided trauma therapy to children impacted by abuse and violence. Some of them were 5, 6, 7 year olds struggling with behavior issues at school. Some of them were teens caught up in the juvenile justice system. Some of them were 12 year olds already grappling with drug and alcohol issues, and some of them were adolescents in abusive, interpersonally violent relationships, repeating the patterns from whence they came. Though they were all struggling in their own ways, they were just kids and they needed my help as an adult in their lives. They didn't care that I was a trauma therapist. I could have been a clown, and they wouldn't have batted an eye. They were kids who were struggling and just needed someone's help. ANYONE'S help.
In the wake of the Texas school massacre, I am overwhelmed by a gnawing desire to return to my roots and be that change agent for our kids in this country. Yes I’m a social worker and psychotherapist, but I’m also a mom of 3 school-aged children - 1 boy, and 2 girls, ages 10, 8, and 5, respectively. Parents - I am right here with you. I, like others, am not ok. I am not ok living in a world where elementary schools are being shot up as part of our norm. I remember when Sandy Hook happened. My son was a little over a year old at the time. I felt devastated. Shocked. Sickened. I was a new mom trying to wrap my head around how something like that could happen to first graders at school. I remember thinking very distinctively if Sandy Hook did not bring about change in this world, nothing would. 10 years later and here we are. Not only have things not changed, my sense is they are getting worse.
I look at these shootings in our country, most of which have been committed by young men, and I ask myself two things: #1. What the fuck? And #2. What can we do to help our kids growing up in this world? When I pose this question to colleagues and former professors, they tell me to go out and vote. “Get involved! Organize a protest! Advocate! Campaign!” I, too, used to accept the political path as the best route towards change; however, my faith in this solution is dwindling. 10 years have passed since Sandy Hook, and look, look at what just happened in Texas. The answer I'm seeking is not going to be found in a politician. Politicians and police are not going to save our children. WE need to.
So, I've pondered: Where is the line? Where is the line between “accepting the things I cannot change” and “the courage to change the things I can”? I believe that line is something every person must carefully weigh and decide for themselves. For me, that line is when children are not safe in schools. We, as adults in this world, are responsible for protecting our kids. WE are their shield. WE are their sword. WE are their protectors, and that is true whether we are talking about a child being abused in his or her home, a child being bullied on the playground, or children being shot up at school. We cannot look the other way. The responsibility falls on US as the adults in this world upon whom they are reliant.
I am no longer passing the buck onto politicians, or police, or teachers, or anyone else. Change begins with me as an individual. And so here is my pledge to our kids. In addition to my continued focus on girls, young women, and moms, I am starting a new initiative in my practice focused on mental health in kids. I will use my education to help our kids in my town. I recognize and accept I cannot change the world on a global level- but maybe I can help the kids in my town by offering support, mentorship, guidance, and the promotion of connection with others, so maybe this doesn’t happen at my childrens' schools, in my hometown, on my watch.
Kids need our help in life, and I am going to work to provide it. Because... faith without works is dead. We must each take responsibility for our children. Stay tuned for more information on support for our kids in the coming months. You may also email me at Carrie@carriemosko.com if you are interested in your son or daughter being connected with mental health and/or peer group support.
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